i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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