I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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