I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
