wat bout pragnant strippers??
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
