Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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