I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
