With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize