I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
