well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
