I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
