She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
