dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
