Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
