I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
