i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
