You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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