life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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