I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
