dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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