there's paper in my vomit.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
