Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize