If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
