well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
