Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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