I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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