Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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