I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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