Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Randomize
