k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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