I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
