So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
