turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
