omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
