apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
So much Jack, so little girl.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
