quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize