Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
