I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize