SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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