I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize