I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
