Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
