everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
