In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
