Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
