I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
