I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
