Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
