RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You may now shotgun with the bride
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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