oh fat girl friday strikes again...
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
