when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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