Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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