The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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