Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
