you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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