I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Are we still banned from the library?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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