oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
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