We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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