oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Randomize
