i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
