I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
