I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
