you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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