Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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