dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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