I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
