I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
