Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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